About 12 years ago i woke at 3:00 one morning to climb a mountain with a group of friends. I was working at a camp in NH for the summer and we wanted to climb Mt. Monadnock to see the sun rise. This was a climb I had done every year since I was about 6 or 7. We arrived at the bottom of the mountain, 5 of us, 2 flashlights. We trudged forward 2 beams to show us where to put our feet, and by sunrise we were at the top. As we watched the sunrise, my one friend, recovering from mono said, "katie, I never would have made it if I would have seen what was ahead of me, because of the dark and that one beam of light which showed me where to place my foot, I made it to the top."
The memory of this morning, the dark, all of our fears as we started to trudge up the mountain, the sunrise at the top, it replays in my mind. I find myself now in a similar place. I have a mountain to climb. And if I do it in daylight with my eyes wide open, I will be too afraid to continue. The tasks ahead will overwhelm me. The fear of exhaustion and failure would make it impossible to continue. So I praise the dark. I realize that right now I need just a beam of light. I cannot look up. The monsters in the woods would terrify me and are mostly of my own making.
On monday I met with my spiritual director, a sister of st. joseph, who is kind and the best listener I have yet to encounter. We talked about the challenges ahead. The steps forward and all she said was do not lift the light beyond your feet. Walk forward and trust the path. Trust the path.
I have always been afraid of the dark but it seems, that now, in the midst of a huge life change darkness is what I need. Sometimes ignorance can be the gift which moves us forward. I praise the dark, as we enter this season of light.
4 comments:
that's a lot to figure out! is it just me or is this post written with men and bicycles? :)
men and bicycles? you've stumped me annie. see you soon:)
well it seems it was just me. :) sorry kate. on my computer your post came up as webkins.... they were cute men and bicycles though ;). now to using moms computer :)
lovely kate. sorry about the webkins
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